Turkish dating culture
Turkish traditions and culture surrounding the world of love and marriage can be strange to outsiders - and not a little old fashioned. We explore dating, engagement, love and marriage in Turkey and all its glorious variety. In larger cities, dating is more relaxed. But in Turkey's more rural communities the old traditions still live on: That could be flowers, gifts or big romantic gestures.
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Merhaba everyone I am new to the forums. I am dating a man from Adana and we have been dating a little over a month. He seems very sweet, but he is also very hard-working Sometimes we have communication problems because he speaks English fairly well, but oftentimes he comes across something that he doesn't know how to say. Unfortunately, I do not know Turkish. I have been trying to learn it but it is a lot more difficult because it is nothing like the languages I already know!
Spanish and English. Anyway, I was wondering about cultural differences. This man has been a real gentleman. He always pays, he always drives, etc. But I feel bad for him paying; when I offer to pay he tells me, "I would feel so bad if you paid! Also, my birthday passed, and he gave me some pretty elaborate gifts considering the short amount of time we were dating.
He gave me a very elaborate Turkish shawl, an evil eye, and a shirt. I'm not used to someone spending that much money on me, and it makes me feel kind of guilty! But I do not want to offend him or make him think that his generosity is not appreciated. However, although I think this guy has good intentions, I worry that he is trying to "own" me by buying me so many things.
However, he said that Turkish men are taught to impress a woman like this and that Turkish women expect this from them I don't know if this is true!! He seems pretty Westernized in some aspects. I was really worried about coming across as an easy, American girl, so I tried to not show a lot of skin in public, but he has traveled a lot outside of Turkey so I think that it doesn't really bother him. He is Muslim, but non-practicing.
Anyway, what can I expect in a relationship with a Turkish man? My guy seems very sweet and although he says that all Turkish men are jealous, I have never seen him get jealous or controlling. What do Turkish men want out of a relationship with an American girl? I am very independent and I worry if that is a problem. I just want to understand that cultural differences I can expect so that I can understand them and work through them.
Also, he plans on staying in the US to work. He is in the process of getting his PhD. Hi chicaWelcome to the forum. In all honesty, if you want to understand his culture, you would need to visit Turkey, and experience it with your own eyes, and then talk to him about things that don't sit right with you, to see where he's coming from. Obviously, it will depend on his upbringing and his family's expectations of him, which you might only really understand if you visit. It was our 12 year wedding anniversary yesterday, I met my husband in Istanbul, and he visited my family in England before we got engaged.
Good luck. Hi Chica and welcome from me too. It's hard to generalise really, some Turkish men will spoil their girl friends and some don't same as American men I guess. What can you expect from him as a Turk, again, it hard to say and would say that Sue was spot on really. To understand your man more, should the relationship get more serious in time, before you commit you should visit and stay with his family in Turkey and see how they interact with one another as you will get an insight as to how they live and understand a different side to him.
Although it is far too early to think about a future together you can ask him about what he thinks about the lives of Turkish woman and the role they play, it would be a fair question to ask as an American woman you would be curious to know. Turkish men can be jealous and controlling by not all, but as your relationship is fairly new those signs may appear later but then they may not.
Thanks for the feedback everyone! I have tried to learn a little bit about his culture. So far, most of the stuff has been pretty basic. I know most of the Turkish population is Muslim but he is not practicing , he took me to a Turkish restaurant to show me the food, we've made Turkish tea together, I watched "My Father My Son" with him, and I understand that family is of extreme importance in Turkey. Some of the aspects of Turkish culture like the strong family unit remind me of the Hispanic culture that I have studied!
When it comes to relationships, he says that Turkish women expect more out of their men, but that it decreases over time. So a guy might go all out when he is trying to get a girl to be his girlfriend, but a few months in, he might not try as hard. I've asked him about the role of women in Turkey, and as far as I know, they are pretty liberated. They are Muslim, but have a lot more freedom than most Muslim women. While they are expected to take care of the kids and the house like in the US , the majority of them work.
I think it is also a generational thing. This guy is in his 20's, and he said that in campuses, college kids are a lot more liberated. Hookah is also really common in the culture, but he tried to stop smoking And congrats on passing so many happy years with your Turkish husband! Do you speak Turkish as well? If I spoke Turkish I would feel a little less out of the loop! My Turkish husband and I are in our 13th year of marriage, but I can't really offer any more than the excellent advice already given here.
The only thing I would advise though, if the relationship appears to be getting serious, is for you both to set some groundrules based on the differences in both cultures In my opinion communication is the key to a successful marriage Good Luck x. I think that if you browse through the romantic relationship forum and the marriage forum you may get a better idea of the culture, especially if you look at this thread although it's rather long.
Sorry Chica but I disagree, maybe in the cities a lot of women go out to work but in Turkey as a whole the majority do not. Their "liberation" is not the sort of liberation that you have in the U. Every now and then we hear a story about how a village has bucked the trend and started a womens' cooperative making or doing something but these sorts of stories are very few and far between. I agree with Cukurbagli about the situation of women and work.
Many of the women with whom I have spoken do not see working for someone else as liberating. They are pleased that the little their husbands earn is enough for them to to able to spend time cleaing their own houses instead of cleaning someone else's. Apart from teachers who, unlike in most Western countries, are highly respected, working women are at best pitied and at worst looked down on. As for relationships, part of the tingle of a new relationship is all that asking questions and sharing and finding out about each other.
Take your time, you will definitely find good advice here but your boyfriend is the only one who is going to provide you to the answers to your questions. Also you could read these newspapers to give you idea of what happens in Turkey. You will find that one paper leans to the left and the other to the right of politics.
Thank you Reyhan! That was all very helpful! I could kind of see family values in the movie "My Father My son" I can't remember the name in Turkish! It was interesting to see how incredibly close the family was and how important family is in Turkey. My boyfriend also told me that at Turkish weddings, the man has to drink a cup of coffee after the bride pours salt in it Supposedly it symbolizes how the man should respect the woman in the marriage and not complain.
I quite liked that: DAlso, he said that Turkish men generally respect women for everything that they do: I am crafty and take care of myself laundry, cooking, etc. He said that he is expected to give a lot of gifts when he returns home to Turkey for a short vacation. He is also used to spending a lot of money. I, on the other hand, am frugal and save a lot. If I really want something, I buy it, but I think about it a lot first!
Where I live in Turkey the coffee isn't drunk at the wedding it happens before when the families meet to discuss a possible engagement. The girl will make coffee to impress the propective inlaws, she can sometimes put salt into the boyfriends coffee either to test him or to show that she isn't in agreement with the engagement. In some cases if the girl makes the coffee badly she can be turned down as a perspective bride. Yes, family is very important in Turkey and I've found that the bond between mother and son is usually very strong.
Gifts, I often wonder if its just about showing how well they have done in their new country. Unfortunately, the giving of gifts can get out of hand but that is a whole different topic. Oh my goodness. That coffee we had. I thought it tasted strange. So mrs fil was trying to tell me something, perhaps subconsciously. She said it was because she is culinary challenged.
To find out after all these years I think in your case if it wasn't her culinarily skills at fault she was testing you to see if you were made of sterner stuff, You obviously passed the test: Hi ChicaI'm a little late adding to your thread, as I just got back from Turkey to Uk last week, and have been settling back home and catching up.
I'm a relative newly wed to some of the others here - I've been married to my Turkish hubby for 5 years. Giving you my take on 'Turkish Culture' would probably take ages, and probably be useless to you. In the end, you make your own culture in a relationship. The generational differences you wonder about are more apparent in some areas than others.
Discussing regional dating customs and traditions in Turkey. very naïve and had not considered researching cultural differences that I was likely to encounter. 20 dating culture in Turkey, everything you need to know about dating, courtship, and marriage culture in Turkey also how you can spend your romantic date.
Merhaba everyone I am new to the forums. I am dating a man from Adana and we have been dating a little over a month. He seems very sweet, but he is also very hard-working Sometimes we have communication problems because he speaks English fairly well, but oftentimes he comes across something that he doesn't know how to say.
As the youngest member of the European Union, Turkey has slightly different value and culture than any other European countries.
I will be in Turkey this June to get to know a guy I met last year on holiday. He seems like a very nice person, however, since we really don't know each other,I want to take my time getting to know him.
Love and marriage in Turkey
So you know you've found a soul food -mate. Whether you're a carnivore or veggie, Turkish food is always varied and always delicious. From all sorts of mezes to the almighty kebab to stellar desserts , you'll never go hungry again. Whether you're headed to one of Turkey's beautiful cities, the arresting countryside, or the incredible beaches, you'll have your own personal tour guide and a supremely romantic trip with your someone special. Their country connects two continents! They place a huge emphasis on cultural and economic exchange with countries around the world, and Istanbul is considered the western world's gateway to the east.
Sex and Dating in Turkey
Growing up in the UK, the dating scene was not an ordeal. We no longer needed the approval of our dads and the days of being chaperoned while on a date were firmly rooted in the history books. Therefore, when I moved to Turkey, I was in for a shock, especially when it came to the dating scene. Looking back, I realize my naivety was shining like a lighthouse beacon. The first signs of a difference in courting rituals between my home country of the UK and Turkey were evident on my first holiday. We had signed up for a rough and tumble Jeep safari around the mountains of Marmaris. We passed beautiful waterfalls on unknown country roads before arriving at a small village. This was traditional Turkey away from the manmade holiday resorts.
The personality traits of a gentleman, smooth talker, romantic, and extreme flirt are all wrapped together to give you the typical Turkish man.
One thing I have wanted to write about for a while in this column is the view of sex and dating in Turkey. I have watched mostly foreign and some Turkish friends grapple with dating and all its highs and—more often—lows, and have become endlessly fascinated with the subject. Although it is not something I have to partake in, it is a subject that fascinates me.
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