Deadspin great moments in drunken hookup failure

Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go. Back in college I was having sex with my then-girlfriend with her riding me on the couch. Just as things were getting good, she bounced up a little too high just before coming back down onto dick, made worse by me yanking her downwards.

Jim Cummings, the Voice of Winnie the Pooh, Has Been Accused of Rape and Animal Abuse

Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go. As always, try and keep it brief, and do your best to rein in your douchier side when recalling these tales to us. About five years ago, I was seeing a guy who was into group sex. He was also a drunk. I was interested in having a threesome with two men I am female and, although he was nervous about it, "Josh" was open to it too We had been talking with this guy who was also interested and made plans for him to come over one night.

Nevertheless we attempted to go at it, on my double bed. Unfortunately three people on a little bed two of whom have consumed massive quantities of alcohol makes for a bad mix and we have to keep awkwardly maneuvering over each other. All of a sudden, I see Josh roll off my bed and land on the floor where he is moaning and then passes out. Josh seemed to be ok- just drunk- so I try to start making out with the other guy.

However, he objected to doing this in front of a possibly injured naked man on the floor. So the two of us also naked drag Josh over to my sofa to recover. I then proceeded to drunkenly continue with the other guy but he was too freaked out bythe whole situation and left. A little while back I get a text from this girl, Brunhilda. Now, Brunhilda and I had messed around off and on for the past year or so. I suppose you could say we were inconsistent friends with benefits; but when we did get together, things generally went down.

Because I'd been suffering through a pretty long dry spell, I was happy to get this text and, since we both have the day off that Friday, we decided to meet for lunch. Friday rolls around and I sleep in a little, go to the gym, and have a protein shake afterward. I know that last sentence makes me sound like quite the douche, but it will become significant later.

I'm killing time until our late lunch and realize I'm getting a little sleepy, so I have a couple cups of coffee. Finally, it's time to go and I head out to a local-chain-pub type place to meet Brunhilda. Things at lunch are going well. When the waitress asks if we want anything to drink, I convince Brunhilda that since we both have off and it's a beautiful day, why not make it a boozy lunch? A few beers later we're laughing, flirting, and having a good time.

I mention something I've been working on and she says she'd like to see it. Even I can see that this is as good an opening as one gets and I propose, as casually as possible, that we could go back to mine and check it out. She agrees and it's on. I ask the waitress for the check and excuse myself to the bathroom to rid my bladder of the three or four pints I've imbibed.

In the bathroom there were two urinals. One was being used, so I approached the other and got ready for a nice relaxing piss. I was even looking forward to letting out an audible "Ahhh…" due to my semi-drunkenness and complete satisfaction with how events were unfolding. However, after just beginning to open the floodgates, it became terrifyingly clear that any further relaxation would result in me also pissing out the end normally reserved for solid material. The protein shake, coffee, beers, and fish and chips had combined in my stomach, creating a greasy, liquid mass that could not be contained much longer.

So, I stood at the urinal, not peeing and waiting for the guy next to me to finish, wash his hands, and leave. As soon as he's gone I waddle from the urinal to the stall with wang out and buttocks clenched as tightly as possible. I rip my jeans down and plop onto the toilet right as a stream of what I would observe later to be greenish-brown sludge erupted from my anus. My nearly all-liquid diet of the past few hours was back with a vengeance.

I was having one of those movements in which you have to do your best to control the rate at which the torrent of waste is exiting you in order to avoid massive and messy splashback. And it wouldn't stop. Every time I thought I was finished and started to get up, another spurt would warn me that I wasn't yet in the clear, and I would sit back down to wait for things to take their course. Finally, after almost half an hour and about three courtesy flushes, I determine that it's safe to leave.

The extreme relaxation I'm feeling as a result of being rid of every last ounce of waste that my body contained is tempered by my apprehension that the disgusting scent of my foulness is clinging to my clothes, because of its potency and the length of time I spent surrounded by it. I get back to the table and murmur "Sorry about that…" to a clearly displeased Brunhilda. I gather that she has already paid the check when, before I can even sit down, she abruptly asks, "Ready to go?

I've resolved to take Immodium-AD before all dates from now on. Two years ago I head out to a 4th of July party at a buddies house outside of LA. I had some friends in town and proper groundwork had been laid down the night before with some local girls we met at a bar. So the party starts, the various drinking games begin, the head count swells from 20 to about 70 people and the girls from the previous night actually show up.

In truly diplomatic fashion, the 3 girls cozy up to me and two of my buddies like they planned it en route to the party. All 3 of them were cute so there we're no problems on our end. But through some stroke of luck, I got paired up with the artificially enhanced, hot skinny blonde chick named Lisa. We play flip cup, beer pong, dance, chill in the hot tub, etc. I'm feeling good about myself. Whatever, not my problem. A few hours pass, the place is very crowded but my one buddy manages to secure a bedroom with his girl.

I later find out that my other buddy and his girl classed it up and had sex in the bathroom. With few options available Lisa and I decide that we're going back to her place, but since neither of us can drive we call a cab. We've been making out, touching, talking dirty, ect all day. It even got as far as me telling her I didn't have any condoms and she said, "Don't worry, I've got some at my place. While we're waiting out front for our cab, we hear a commotion. Her crazy former roommate is shouting at some guy.

Suddenly, I see a look of panic on the face of Lisa. The yelling gets louder and now people from the party hear the commotion. And like it was in slow motion, this douchebag snaps off a right cross to the crazy chicks dome. Within seconds, all hell breaks loose. The ex-boyfriend immediately gets in his truck and peels out. The crazy ex-roommate is KO'd on the ground, total chaos.

Right around this time my cab arrives. Lisa says, "I'm taking her to the hospital. Why did you make me invite her? What followed was me giving a statement to the cops, my two buddies bragging about their exploits with the other 2 girls, my cell phone falling in the pool and my car getting a ticket for being parked in the street overnight. The A. Filed to: DHF Filed to: Share This Story. Share Tweet. Kinja is in read-only mode. We are working to restore service.

Drunken Hookup Failures - Sports News Headlines & Highlights | Deadspin. Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase. Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love.

Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go. New Years eve, , and all was good. At the time I was in my 2nd year of university and good friend invited a bunch of us to a house party to welcome the New Year. As we arrive and head to the basement, the place is packed with young girls and the party is bumping.

Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go.

Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go. They're designed to save you from the ravages of AIDS, open genital sores, and unwittingly sired children.

Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go. As always, try and keep it brief, and do your best to rein in your douchier side when recalling these tales to us. About five years ago, I was seeing a guy who was into group sex. He was also a drunk. I was interested in having a threesome with two men I am female and, although he was nervous about it, "Josh" was open to it too We had been talking with this guy who was also interested and made plans for him to come over one night.

Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase five heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go. At college orientation I made friends with a smokin' hot girl who was also cool and a sweetheart. Problem; boyfriend. First night of freshman year comes around, I meet up with said girl and discover that the Gods have favored me; she's newly single. We end up back in her room, on her top bunk, making out. I have her shirt off and she's got BOTH hands down my pants; things are looking good. Suddenly, a loud knocking on the door. We hear several guys' voices who live on her hall, they are drunk and want to hit her up for EasyMac.

Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase a few heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go.

Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go. When I was a freshman in college, I met a decent-looking girl "Emily" in one of my classes who immediately started flirting with me on the first day. I was 17 and new to the whole sex thing, so any interest from a girl was welcome.

Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go. It was the end of the first semester of my Freshman year in college in the middle of winter. I remember the temperature was around 0 and there were a few feet of snow on the ground. I had just started drinking during my first semester and my tolerance was pure shit and Red Dog was my beer of choice. I was at a party with my friends and met up with a girl that was in several of my art classes and if I remember correctly, she was about 95 pounds and had a head the size of a watermelon. We were flirting all night and decided after getting hammered that it was time to head back to my dorm room and fuck. So after stumbling a mile or two home through the snow, falling down drunk and making out in snow banks, we finally get back to my room. We had no way to control the temperature of our rooms so it felt like we were in hell, so I opened up the window and turned on a fan to quickly cool things down. We make out for a while, she gives me head then she decides that it's time to have sex. As soon as I put it in her I decide that seeing that we're both sweating that I will cool things off more and make things sexy by dumping a bottle of water over each of us as seen in the movie Youngblood.

Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase six heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go. So while I was in college, a friend of mine Joe not his real name had been putting in about 2 weeks worth of work to try and hookup with a waitress from one of the downtown bars. He was texting her during the day to try and find a time to meet up with her that night. At the time she was texting back. After about 5 hours of heavy drinking, the night proceeded with about 3 drunken text messages and two phone calls from Joe to this girl with no return. He said that she must have stayed in or that she was going to call back eventually.

Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase five heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go. I'm the drummer in a band. Gig night, great show. In the middle of the set, I hear my bass player wishing a Happy Birthday to his buddy.

- Хейл вздохнул и повернулся к своему компьютеру. В этом вся ее сущность. Блестящий криптограф - и давнишнее разочарование Хейла. Он часто представлял, как занимается с ней сексом: прижимает ее к овальной поверхности ТРАНСТЕКСТА и берет прямо там, на теплом кафеле черного пола. Но Сьюзан не желала иметь с ним никакого дела. И, что, на взгляд Хейла, было еще хуже, влюбилась в университетского профессора, который к тому же зарабатывал сущие гроши.

Очень жаль, если она истратит свой превосходный генетический заряд, произведя потомство от этого выродка, - а ведь могла бы предпочесть его, Грега. У нас были бы красивые дети, - подумал .

Верно. Но я хочу иметь копию. Я хочу открыть этот проклятый файл и ознакомиться с созданной Танкадо программой. Сьюзан была столь же любопытна, как и ее шеф, но чутье подсказывало ей, что расшифровка алгоритма Цифровой крепости неразумна, какой бы интерес это ни представляло. В данный момент эта чертова программа надежно зашифрована и абсолютно безопасна.

Она все поняла.  - Вроде Попрыгунчика. Стратмор кивнул: - Тогда мы смогли бы подменить интернетовский файл, который Танкадо собирается выбросить на рынок, нашей измененной версией. Поскольку Цифровая крепость - это японский код, никто никогда не заподозрит, что наше агентство имеет к нему отношение. Единственное, что нам нужно, - осуществить такую подмену. Сьюзан сочла его план безукоризненным.

Child Predator Finds A Target - What Would You Do? - WWYD - ABC News
Related publications