What to say to a friend who is dating a loser
So your friend is dating another loser. You have stalked his facebook and friend group. Looked through all his pictures to see what he does in his spare time. But hey, you can't judge a book by its cover, or the pictures of him slipping his gross tongue down like 3 girls throats but alas, here we are.
5 sure signs you are dating a loser
By theotherfey, December 19, in Asexual Relationships. One of my two BFFs, if you will, is dating someone I do not approve of. He's been there for her when she was going through a rough time, it is true, but I get bad vibes from him, and I just don't approve of his bad habits or lifestyle. I heard some things about him from another friend, and they made me want to scream at my friend to break up with him. I eventually told my friend what the other friend had said, and she said those things weren't true, however, this makes me think someone is lying.
The boyfriend told the then mutual friend things, but apparently he told my friend something different. He's been good to her, and they're serious, but I still cringe whenever she goes to see him, and they're thinking of moving in together. I want to support her, but it's hard to when I have trouble accepting their relationship. My friend has a lot of insecurities, and I'm afraid of what might happen if they break up, yet at the same time, I dislike him.
I'm not sure what to do--if there is anything I really even can do. I realize this isn't about asexuality, but it is about relationships, so is it okay if I post it here? Take it from someone who's been the Cassandra of her friends' relationships for years, there is nothing you can do. People are notoriously prone to blindness when it comes to love and all the reality checks in the world can't make them see reason until they're good and ready.
You've spoken your mind and she is still going to go through with her relationship, so the best thing you can do is sit back, let things take their course, and be there to comfort her if or when it goes downhill. The reality is that there isn't anything you can do. If they aren't right for each other then the break up will happen naturally. Part of being a good respectful friend is acknowledging that your friends are going to make choices you wouldn't or choices you think may be stupid or otherwise ill-advised..
You need to just stay out of it. A friend of mine married a man I did not like and it took her a lot of years to see him as he really is. Too many years. He had come on to me at one point, well before they married, but I was never able to say anything to her about it -I did not want to lose her as friend. Regrettably it took her nearly 30 years to admit that the guy is just no good. He has always done right as far as providing for his family, it's not that --but this man is not respectful of his wife now that she is older just as old as he is, the fool , I just have to keep out of it, even though I could have told her more than 30 years ago --I have always known that I could not fix it and that telling her would do no good at all.
People need to make their own mistakes and interference will not get you anywhere. You have already told her what you think, now you need to learn to stand back, but be there for her if she needs you. My friend finally called me and we email, so finally I can at least give her moral support and the idea that she has a place to go if she needs it. That is all that can be done.
Last year, which was my freshman year of high school, one of my friends who i am very fond of started obsessing over a senior named John. I continually found ways to hate John, until I met him in real life and found that he was a total pothead. I went and whined about this to some internet friends and they were like "what do you have against stoners? What's wrong with stoners, exactly? They're generally the chillest people you'll ever meet.
Plus, be thankful it's not coke or meth or morphine or any of the multitude of much worse drugs you can take. Weed is among the least harmful, less so than nicotine or alcohol at least. And it was then that I realized that I was making up excuses to hate this guy who I had barely met. That I was being jealous and kind of petty. I mean, my case is different than yours because I in the first place fancied my friend so I got more defensive than I would have been otherwise but idk man if you don't have a reason to hate someone you shouldn't because they could actually turn out to be lovely people.
Sorry if I do not know enough about your situation to make an appropriate commentary on it, but I just thought I'd share my similar story. Thanks, everyone. I realize there is probably nothing I can do, and I certainly don't want to lose her as my friend. I've let her know several times how I feel about the situation, and we remain close. I'm not going to force her to do anything, and in the end it is up to her. I know this, and I will continue to be here for her.
I'm trying to accept him--and them--but it's hard. A part of it is likely jealousy. My friend and I are very close. It's a complicated situation, and it bothers me, but yeah, there is likely nothing I can do. I just wanted to know what others have to say. I'm just curious what you heard and don't approve of. If they love each other and he's been there for her, you should be happy that they're happy. You're not dating him, she is, so what you think doesn't really matter. What she thinks matters.
Unless you actually know that he treated her poorly you should just stop worrying about gossip I didn't list the things I disapprove of because I did not want to accidentally offend anyone on here, or get overly personal, which is why I didn't use names of go into too much detail. I in no way meant for this to sound gossipy, and I don't bring it up with her on a regular basis or anything.
However, I do not think it was gossip because the mutual friend was not the gossiping type--though I did say in the OP that someone could be lying. I acknowledge that that someone could have been the then mutual friend. And of course I care for her happiness--that is why I am concerned. I do not not who to believe. Let's forget I started this thread, all right everyone? I feel bad about it now, and I should not be talking about my friend's personal life like this.
Please ignore this topic. I was in a similar situation. My friend of 15 years has been dating a dude for the last 3 years. He seemed really cool at first; even loaning me his jacket in the cold he plays guitar in a known band, majored in math in undergrad like me! I moved out of my mom's apartment when she retired and was transitioning into her new house, and lived with the two of them for 3 months paying rent.
Things went pretty downhill quickly. He or she, I questioned and confronted him about it first, kept putting some weird oily substance in my food and drinks in the fridge. I had no clue who or why this was done, as I kept to myself, usually cleaned the communal areas every now and then, and was job searching at the time. Neither one of them admitted to it, and it happened again.
Eventually I left because I didn't want to come to really dislike them. Then on being thankful I found a job-that I love, and telling folks, he made a passive aggressive remark about how it's horrible to be grateful to the Universe, he thought I meant God, I dunno since he's atheist, when kids in Africa drink pond water I pretty much shut down all contact and communication with him and just talk to her about anything and everything when I talk to her but him.
I don't jive with bad vibes. If anything, that sounds more like gossip than what you posted. Would agree with what others have said that you will never change her mind, but if you do gave genuine concerns, then I think you should let her know. It won't change her mind, but she at least has all the facts. I always remember a girl I worked with had been dumped by her long term boyfriend and just wanted to rant to a neutral party like me so I listened! What stood oyr, and what hurt her the most is that once he'd dumped her, all her friends came out with the usual she could do better, hes a loser she's better without, but they also had plenty of stories of what he'd done or said when they were together, and was just as angry at her friends for not telling her what he was like when they were together.
I told my oldest friend that I didn't like or trust her boyfriend and was sure he would hurt her. Short term I was right, as I think he took her for granted a bit, but since then when hilariously she ended up breaking up with him on my advice to basically show him that she wasn't going to hang around if he wasn't treating her right! He has grown up and to be fair to him, he has proven me wrong and we are friends now. I still think i made the right decision telling her my concerns.
And to be honest, im one stubborn bastard, for me to own up to being so wrong, anybody surely can be won over! I have learned the hard way NOT to get involved in your friends' relationships. You wouldn't want someone telling you who to spend your time with, so you shouldn't do it to other people, even if you're doing it out of the goodness of your heart. She knows this guy way better than you do.
Maybe he is a jerk, but if he is good to her and for her, then your dislike of him is neither here nor there. The compromise we made was that I didn't have to spend time with him. That is all you can do. As for the mutual friend Everyone does it. It doesn't mean anyone is "lying" per se. They may have omitted specifics that made them sound bad and that they regret, but we all do that. Unless you witness him doing something awful, leave second hand stories out of it.
It's like hearsay in a courtroom: Trust me, I've been there. Earlier this year one of my best friends started going out with a guy who frankly was horrible.
Once you've expressed your concerns, don't address the issue again unless your friend brings it up. If you consistently tell your friend that they're dating a loser. There's only so much you can do, and you've just about expended all your stored up “let's get along” energy. You're about ready to just tell her.
Carver, Ph. It is very informative and discusses some of the warning signs of emotional and physical abuse to look for within dating relationships. So, read on, and by the end of the article hopefully you will have gained some insight and will able to answer the question that he poses in his title. Very few relationships start on terms other than sweetness and politeness. Both you and the date are guarded, trying to obtain information about the other as much as possible without seeming like a police detective.
One of life's unfortunate dilemmas arises when someone you love, your best friend even, is dating a complete and utter douche.
We have all been there at one time or another — fallen head-over-heels for someone, despite an abundance of red flags waving in our face. Dating a loser can result in months, if not years of frustration, confusion, tears and tantrums. It also has the potential to cause physical or emotional damage and can have a long-lasting effect on your future relationships.
6 Ways To Deal With Your Best Friends New Loser Boyfriend
For this current Millenial generation, there is now a new phase of life most young women will experience. There is adolescence, then college, then there is dating losers, till finally we reach adulthood. Some of them are married now, some are still single, but regardless we all seem to be asking ourselves the same question, how did we date those guys for so long? Why did we put up with so much? One friend of mine was waitressing at two different restaurants to support herself and her boyfriend so he could run the business they were starting. This may have started out like an equal division of labor but by the time I met the two of them, she was declaring him on her income taxes and he was drinking, playing soccer with his friends, and later we found out cheating on her.
10 Red Flags You're Dating A Loser, According To Experiences From Real Women
She is ready for you to meet him. She wants your approval. If you answer negatively your friend may feel defensive, put her guard up and defend his actions rather than seeing him the way you do. Or, if you say too much too soon it could potentially backfire and your friend may get angry with you. If you begin boyfriend bashing you run the risk of your friend getting angry with you, defending him, and causing a wedge between you and your relationship. If she seems on the fence or questioning his motives then you may sensitively voice your concerns. Allow her to get over that feeling of bliss. Give her the time she needs and allow the newness of the relationship to wear off. Then perhaps, she will be able to focus on the not so great qualities and see this guy for who he truly is.
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I feel like most people have dated someone shitty, whether they were shitty from the start, or blindsided you with shittiness somewhere down the line. Conversely, and maybe even more likely, I bet most people have had their friends date someone awful. Communication between friends is important.
It’s Never Too Late to Tell Your Friend They’re Dating a Loser
Happy New Year everyone! I hope you are looking forward to a year full of wonder and awe, mostly of our Creator and what He has done, continues to do and will do. I could tell Emmy was frustrated with this girl and as I sat and listened I could see many people have the same patterns in their lives whether they realize it or not. Those patterns come down to beliefs we have about ourselves, our worth, our capabilities, our self-imposed limitations…. This is SO key! But I want to warn you: Here are some examples of things we may believe about ourselves that are not serving us very well:. The last thing I think is incredibly important is to separate facts from feelings. This girl Emmy was talking about thinks her boyfriend walks on water. She says she loves him and that is what will make their relationship work…but at whose expense? The facts will destroy her feelings as time goes on, so why not look at the facts now and get ahead of them coming back to bite?
Why Did We All Date Losers in Our Twenties?
For some, it's easy to spot losers. They are the person you date who you think you have a connection with and can see all their faults, but ignore them. Now, everyone has faults, but those aren't the faults I'm talking about. I'm talking about the ones that prevent you from taking this person home to your parents. The ones that can kill a relationship before it starts. The thing about losers, though, is they are easy to spot if you have a trained eye. Many of my friends have dated absolute losers, and they all had some things in common.
What To Do When Your Friend Is Dating A Loser
You know she deserves better, but what can you do? When it comes to her love life , you have to tread lightly and know that things may not work out the way you want. Get your facts straight. Have you just heard baseless rumors, or do you have a legitimate beef with the apple of her eye? Just know that even if your skepticism is justified, she may have an excuse for his bad behavior. Gather your thoughts. Switch places — what would you want to hear if you were in her shoes?
What to tell a friend who is dating a loser
WTF are they thinking? So get out a pen and paper. Is this new SO a freeloader? Flirting with other people? If you answered yes to any these questions then your disdain is legitimate and coming from a place of concern. Talk to your friend about your concerns and tell them why you think this relationship is not healthy and that they deserve better.
(Closed) My best friend is marrying a loser….
Female friends can light up our lives. We support each other and are there to listen, laugh and rejoice when life is amazing. This can get complicated; the heart wants what it wants. So, how do you tell your friend that her boo is bad news? Here is how to tell your friend that she is dating a complete loser. Some women love to date bad boys. What you should do is ease her into the bad news.
Are You Dating a “Loser”?
What to do when your friend is dating a loser This article originally appeared on vice canada. You know your best friend inside and call in the worst people? My two bffs, is an ass. Cosmo magazine raves about her boyfriend is dating a few days. For a loser. My friend inside and emotionally healthy, why do not good enough.Dating Tips : How to Get Rid of a Loser Date - For Her