Dating someone with high iq
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5 Reasons Why Dating Is Harder for Smart People
Being intelligent is about having the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills. However being intelligent is not the same as being relationship smart , emotionally smart, or even street smart. I know a hell of lot of people who have low or even zilch self-esteem that are very high achievers. There are a lot more controlled elements with intelligence in the wider sense.
You can be fairly sure that if you apply the knowledge and the skills and excel that great results will be achieved. As many of you have discovered, you can do something with the intentions to convey one thing and expect the other person to behave in a particular way, and then get an entirely different reaction. Many of us fall into the trap of giving ourselves too much credit. Hard as this may be to hear, that is laziness and blind assumptions.
So what are you trying to say Natalie? If you place a high value on intelligence, you still need to be involved with an intelligent, available person that you can have mutually fulfilling copiloted relationship with. What you place a high value on in others says a lot about what you value or even overvalue in yourself or what you want someone else to bolster you with.
One thing that kept me from just dropping the xAC was the fact he is a counsellor working on a psychology PhD. He would tell me how he would help clients with their problems, even how he dealt with depressed children. I figured if he was trained in a field where you have to understand relationships and how to help others, surely he would know what to do in a relationship. It was the biggest and worst assumption I had ever made. Not only did he turn out to be so emotionally broken, he also used what he knew to manipulate women including myself.
I am considered intelligent by many having graduated at the top of my class and earned many awards. Yet, up until recently, I had zero self esteem and absolutely no relationship smarts. Both are reaching healthier levels now. Lesson learnt! Oh Natalie, thank you… My most recent experience with overeducated unavailability is proof positive that a Ph. I just fall for the type, I am not myself a good specimen of this type. I work at an academic library, in public services.
I used to see it as a great way to meet men… now when I see the stacks and stacks of books they borrow, every volume looks like another brick in the wall surrounding their egos, impenetrably shielding them from real intimacy. Every page means a few more minutes while they can disregard another live human being. This may sound harsh, but I know: I used to be married to a guy buried behind several hundred books.
As for the engaging conversations, they are pickup and flirting techniques. I realize there might be emotionally available and single scholars out there, but that must be one shallow pool. High achievers in general, how many of them could possibly take time for intimacy on the side? Wow, I have the exact same story, TeaTime!
My ex husband had an affair while married to me with a Psy. I see how powerful and seductive that can be… he was also convinced she would make a good stepmother because of her professional credentials, and her experience in family therapy! How ironic, how outrageous… what kind of con artists are these people? Same phenomenon.
Same here same here. Its like the old adage — a plumber is great at fixing other peoples plumbing but not their own. Assumptions — very dangerous ground. As a fellow member pointed out to me along time ago — just because they are trained in a field that would imply a higher knowledge — its in the application that makes the difference. Hi TeaTime, that sounds like a pretty harrowing experience.
And no doubt they meant socially or emotionally. A good, snappy conversation has come to feel like the most validating interaction, but it is no substitute for the mutual respect and caring and emotional skill from which a different interaction, and a different kind of conversation, eminently more satisfying, can emerge. The kinds of conversation that happen in my step group, for example, have begun to teach me what it looks like, sounds like, and feels like when another person is genuinely aiming for self-awareness and better relationships.
I hear myself talking sometimes and sound like a stuck-up so and so. I just feel more relaxed. They may be or they may not. Thanks so much for this post, NML, and to the community for all the thinking and conversation that led up to it. Intelligence can take you places but certainly in interpersonal relationships, on its own it has some severe limitations.
I really value intelligence both in myself and others but I value intimacy, emotional honesty, personalities as a whole and other qualities and characteristics. This is how far I have come: In January I was made a pass at by an incredibly intelligent and skillful man and he wanted to launch into a physical relationship.
When I said I would like to get to know him he said those words above to me. I thought he sounded irresponsible and reckless. And I felt fine about it because he deselected himself. Saved me the bother. Now I think — I just need to have good self-esteem and a normal level of awarenss and it will be fine. I love that comment too….
These supposedly high IQ guys can also royally screw you over and be very clever with the words and mind gimes, and know exactly what they are doing. I am now currently dating a handsome, intelligent guy, he is a doctor like myself, yet he does not seem to have depth of conversation to much else other than when talking about his job, which I must say I find dull.
Yet he is warm and caring, it is very hard to strike a balance. No real ideas where to go with this one…. Anyway, I identified a lot of what was raised in this post, thanks for the brilliant writing again, NML! Natalie, You are most welcome! IMO you shoot straight with kindness and that is invaluable to me. I love your humour in all the assorted ways you express it. YOU are priceless and a true gift. Thank YOU! But yes, emotionally stunted… Your blogs are absolutley dead on and sorely needed…at least for this woman… As a culture of modern women, we are greatly suffering from lack of self-esteem…Throwing Pearls before swine…why, oh why?
Your voice did that for me. The problem for unmothered unparented little girls and boys is that there is no Direction…we are just banging around through life trying to figure it out. Whoops…there goes another artery!! I am very grateful to you, your work and the many voices here. This one is for me for sure too. I was one of the many who chimed in when Cavewoman hit on the EUAcademic. You are so right about academia being about methods, techniques, theories, and textbooks and relationships being based on things very different.
Between my last two exes, their total number of degrees are: All degrees conferred by different institutions. This is how hell bent I was on the sensitive thinker angle: Francis monastery in Assisi. I had been to Assisi with the former, husband EUA. It is a gorgeous place and we had a wonderful time: He had a respectable excuse not to have to talk to me, which put me at ease!
Francis, but monks are just not the best role models as far as relationships go. I can tell from your posts, you have great perspective and I learn a lot from you. As always, another awesome one! To be fair, when we are single, we all do it to a certain extent. Being four months into starting over in my dating life for real, not like in years past when I said I was starting over…. This is one of the most pertinent topics for me.
I feel like a massive tool — one of those who might claim mega-smart status — but I am pretty bright, academically-speaking, have all the accolades etc, and I am also highly tuned into human behaviour albeit in a sort of anthropological way! One of my male friends pointed out, quite randomly, that what I do is describe a wall in great detail, all of its nuances and textures, rather than just climb over it. This is classic me when it comes to relationships too!
Now, the latter is a separate problem — their problem these guys are often also highly intelligent, control-freaky types who use words to wangle — but still, my intellectual style contributes to the dynamic, for sure. The two healthy relationships I have had have both been with super smart guys, but, they were also emotionally honest, reliable guys who wanted the relationship to grow.
They loved me. Since and including the AC who was off-the-charts-smart, something of which he had to remind me on a regular basis — classy! He said it made him feel inadequate and angry at me. But what I need to do now is also try to practise and cultivate this in myself so that I can come across, and in fact be, that more full person that I am looking for.
Hi Elle, another hugely insightful comment that contributes greatly to the subject. I think you have to embrace your intelligence rather than see it as a hindrance but at the same time recognise that there is more to you.
You get the perks of having a girlfriend/boyfriend with a high IQ, but you are also subjected to the disadvantages of dating someone who knows more than you. Anyone who's dating or in a relationship should visit this website. Many highly intelligent men who have achieved success without a great deal of effort have Would you ever consider dating someone of average intelligence if you yourself.
Being intelligent is about having the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills. However being intelligent is not the same as being relationship smart , emotionally smart, or even street smart. I know a hell of lot of people who have low or even zilch self-esteem that are very high achievers.
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Is your partner or romantic interest a genius? It can be enlightening and frustrating dating someone with above average intelligence, but if you keep an open mind, you can increase your understanding and learn ways to strengthen your relationship. With a smart guy or woman, you'll find your brain firing on all cylinders.
15 Highs and Lows of Dating Someone Smarter Than You
August 22, 2: Published in the British Journal of Psychology , the paper states that women want men to be smart, but not too smart. Data shows that a man who is more intelligent than 90 percent of the population is most desirable — more so than one who is cleverer than 99 percent. Scientists asked people to rate the desirability of potential partners based on different levels of intelligence, looks, how easygoing they were and kindness. Those who are in the top percentile of intelligent people also tend to suffer from conditions like obsessive-compulsive disorder. The study went on to say that if very high IQ levels are associated with negative biological or social characteristics, then perhaps highly intelligent men are getting a raw deal.
Smart Men Are Open-Minded, Smart Women Aren't
Having studied the biographies of Mensans and VIPs for some years now, I am finally prepared to draw some gloomy conclusions. Most of us probably had a feeling while we were growing up that there was something wrong with us. We were bored, we were restless. We naively thought that now everyone would love and admire us. No longer would anyone say that we were the stupid ones. No way! A person with a high IQ is a deviate — just as much as a retardate or a transvestite. In business relationships where power and status are important, being intellectually superior is definitely an advantage. But in intimate relations it is an unmitigated disaster.
If you find that you are constantly over analyzing every single thing in dating and relationships…. Have patience and understand that you can be happy now being single and anyone who puts pressure on you to find love is an energy vampire.
Since they are detailed-oriented, they look at every single attribute of a person through a microscopic lens. They analyze everything. They always weigh the pros and cons of why they should fall in love with another person. They feel secured physically and emotionally on their own.
Why Very Intelligent Men Fail With Women
Many people are driven by a desire to manifest love; to build a life and a home with someone who can offer support, understanding, and affection. However, there are dozens of things that can hold you back, and some of these factors may surprise you. Intelligence might seem like a virtue and a selling point, but it regularly stands in the way of manifesting love. But why is this the case, and what can you do to increase your chances of finding romance? First, we'll explore the general link between high IQ and dating problems. Then we'll turn to the five most significant reasons why this link exists. Throughout, we'll note how these problems may be affecting you, and we'll offer suggestions for positive change. If you have a high IQ, dating problems are more or less par for the course. While it's not the case that only unintelligent people find love , there is ample evidence that being of above average intelligence creates more problems than solutions. This is partly due to the way that smarter people tend to think, and partly due to the personality traits that are typically correlated with high intelligence. For example, you might notice that you're hardly ever attracted to anyone for very long.
The Trouble With Being Blinded By Intelligence in Dating and Relationships
Dating an intelligent person can be a double-edged sword. Being physically attractive is not enough anymore. More and more people are gauging their partners based on their conversation skills, interest depth and intellectual achievements. What makes a person smart? Is it their grade point average?
Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate. People have to be balanced Several pure intellectuals in my family. They tend to marry and be with other pure intellectuals. We are not talking someone just smart
I also love sharing new information with people, so being able to teach her new things is really fun. I remember having a conversation last week that went from climate change to milkshakes real quick. Not educated to the dismay of my science jokes but quick-witted, intelligent and clever. And then sometimes I wonder how anyone could be that stupid.. You can name almost any topic and I will know more about it than she will. We like travel, performing arts, food tourism, bike rides She enjoys those, too, but it feels more like a teacher-student relationship than a romantic one.
Are you super, ridiculously smart? Are you only interested in dating other super, ridiculously smart people? The collaboration comes hot on the heels of an infographic released by the dating site illustrating where the smartest singles in America live. Said Dr. Because intelligence is correlated with many benefits , including: These are sexy. People everywhere gravitate to smart lovers, because an intelligent partner comes with a host of sexy perks.
The ladies at TheGloss. Notice the disconnect? TheGloss wanted to know why smart men were dating less intelligent women, while Lapin wrote about why smart women date smart men. In most of the western world, sex-ratios run about even. As many women as men are born, and just about as many survive into adulthood. If people were confined to dating and marrying within their IQ range, there would have to be about an equal balance between the outcomes of men and women across the IQ bell curve.5 Reasons Why Smart People Suck at Dating