My son is dating a man twice his age
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Dating twice your age !
New Here? Dear Wendy is a relationship advice blog. You can read about me here , peruse the archives here and read popular posts here. You can also follow along on Facebook and Instagram. Thanks for visiting! I live on my own, about a 40 minute drive away from the rest of my family, but both my brothers, aged 13 and 18, still live with my mom. I was talking to my grandmother on the phone yesterday, and she told me that she found out my mom was seeing someone.
I was initially happy for her, and excited that she met someone. Then my grandmother gave me the rest of the details: Apparently, she has been secretly dating this guy for months. She met him online, and they met for the first time in real life this September. Anyway, I will admit that I did not react well.
I wrestled with the age difference, and my Grandmother talked me down from my state of dumfounded shock. She told me my mom was old enough to make her own mistakes, and that we would talk about it more when I saw her in person on Thanksgiving. I said okay, and I hung up. But the more I thought about it, the angrier I got. I feel like she is disregarding her role as mother in favor of some new relationship that gives her a sense of value.
I know my older brother can and probably will move out, and I have offered my couch to him in case he is uncomfortable staying with her. But what about my younger brother? All I know is my mind is overwhelmed and I am upset. You Might Also Like: I think if you start the conversation with that tone, she will hopefully not be on the defensive. Then I would transition into talking about your thirteen year old brother and your concern for his well-being. She will learn eventually when the relationship comes crashing down on her.
I totally agree. It sounds like everything you know is hearsay. I might be reading this wrong but it sounds like you have spoken to your grandmother and your brother but not your mom. Go into this without judgement and start asking questions. Like, why are they moving in so quickly. You need all the facts. Meg November 23, , 2: I agree with Tech- while the age difference is shocking, I think your best bet is to focus on your concern about an unknown man moving in with her and your brothers, and not on whether she should be dating guys younger than you.
Addie Pray November 23, , 2: Yeah but have you SEEN a 22 year old lately? College football players excluded, 22 year olds look like little itty bitty babies. ReginaRey November 23, , 2: This, as discussed, is why this year-old will be going for slightly older men from now on. But 24 year age difference? I may be slightly more laid back about this kind of thing because of my relationship with my incredibly irresponsible mother, though.
For the record, I, too, think the age gap is ridiculous. I go by this formula when calculating the acceptable age gaps: ReginaRey November 23, , 3: If she wanted to be a good mother AND do something for herself, maybe she should date him without imposing him upon her young and impressionable son. Sarah November 23, , 3: I had no men in my home; not even dates, until my daughters were on their own. I know not everyone will wait this long, but my daughters are far more important to me than anyone else and I wanted them to know they were my priority.
You are completely entitled to that opinion. The boy is thirteen, not three. I really think the LW and her sibs should just deal with it. She is, indeed, old enough to make her own mistakes. Jiggs November 23, , 3: Sarah November 23, , 4: Or the statistics about how likely a woman who has already been in an abusive relationship to get involved in another abusive relationship. These are statistics we all know. More were born after ? Or do pedophiles die sooner?
By all means, keep an eye out for hinky business of the Sandusky persuasion, but the fact that a 22 year old man wants to move in with a 46 year old woman who lives with her 13 year old son to me just says that he found someone who is willing to do his laundry in exchange for nookie. He left college in the middle of a semester to move in with us. Now, the age gap was not as extreme — she was one hot mama, in fact — but you know what? It worked out. And never once did he attempt to molest me.
I call him Dad. JK November 23, , 4: Sorry if I said that wrong. And seriously, unless LW truly believes her brother is in actual danger from this guy, she needs to butt out. Sarah, about statistics: Sorry, it was an unnecessary comment and catty on my part, anyway. LSS86 November 23, , 4: I think everyone would be just as quick to call the creeper flag if it were a 46 year old man inviting his 22 year old girlfriend to come live with him and his 13 year old child.
Amybelle November 23, , 5: However, the age difference has nothing to do with it. Sarah November 23, , 2: With her children. Worst case, well, you can only guess. I think this kid is very clear about what he wants here. He knows that your mom is inexperienced in dating and looking to feel less lonely. No matter was kind of a weirdo he is, he is definitely taking advantage of your mother. Get a background check on this dude. If your mom wont protect her kids from a potential predator then you have to help.
If anything sends up a red flag, like the dude insists on putting your brother to sleep, or watches him change, calls him names, anything, tell your mother you are contacting social services and go through with that. So like, instead of accusing the boyfriend of anything, because she wont listen to that and will become stubborn, tell her that it is not right to move a man into the home if her son has not met him yet.
Yes, excellent idea, especially with the young one. He should be as primed as possible to notice signs red flags…either for himself, or for his mom. Turtledove November 23, , 2: But since your 13 year old brother will be stuck in this situation, somebody needs to stand up for him. Have you asked him how he feels and what his specific concerns are? After everything you went through with dad and with raising us kids basically by yourself, you deserve it. I just want you to know, I fully support you loving whomever fits with you.
Little brother is worried about X, Y and Z and older brother plans to move out when boyfriend moves in. I love you and I love my brothers and I want to support you all in the best way I can. Something like that will get at the heart of your concerns without passing judgment on the age difference. I think the best that you can hope for right now is that she and boyfriend decide to hold off on moving in together until everyone has at least had a chance to meet and try to make nice.
Talk to your Mom about the potential effects of an unknown man living with your siblings. For your mother, she has been single 11 years, and due to your youngest brother being a teenager, she may feel that she can seriously date a man now. Most teens at that age are relying more on their friends for fun and activities. Also, at 40, I would think your Mom may not get the same excitement from a man her own age.
This relationship could last a lifetime or it could fizzle out by the new year, but the main issue is your Mother allowing a stable environment for her children first. Men should always come second. I agree.
When my year-old son told me he was bringing his new girlfriend with a man her own age, she'd probably decline on the grounds that she. Dating an older man isn't about the age -- it's about the lifestyle. I grew up the only child of older parents (who are also 10 years apart), and.
They say love is blind. When you find the person you're destined to spend the rest of your life with, it doesn't matter what they look like, what race they are, or how old they are. This is the beautiful thing about love, although many times people get judged for the people they marry or date. Sometimes women really do fall in love with men who are twice their age, and we can't judge them for that.
I'm not in the habit of seeking advice like this, but I really thought you were writing about me in your recent published response to the older woman who is dating the younger Marine and his mom is getting upset. My son is one of three children, 22 years old, and in the military.
George Clooney and his new wife, Amal Alamuddin, are the talk of the town. What about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, who were 16 years apart when they were married? In their defense, I hardly grew up dating or crushing on men close to my age group.
My daughter is dating a man more than twice her age
My best friend and I asked Aldo how old he was. We looked at each other and snickered, surprised our favorite manager and work companion was twice our ages. The first time we smoked with Aldo, it was a novelty. Me and Madelaine shared a blunt, like always. I remember the tension that night.
Your Turn: “My 46-Year-Old Mother is Dating a 22-Year-Old!”
I have been dating a wonderful man for a year now. He is respectful, kind, cares and loves me very much. I let him know early on because of my faith I will not be intimate until marriage I was honest with him and admitted I am not a virgin but changed my position on premartial sex when I became religious a few years ago. I am rather young and he is twice my age. I have no issues with this and was actually concerned that he might be uneasy about the reaction of others. He is not. He has never been married and has no kids. Like a lot of extremely successful and affluent men, the reason he has not yet married is because he is quite the workaholic. He is a catholic as well, but non-practicing.
Some sexual fantasies are better left unfulfilled.
I AM seeing a lovely man but worry what people might think as he is twice my age. He is 34 and separated with a little boy. I met him five weeks ago when my dad took me down the social club. I have fallen for him and he says he is crazy for me, but are we OK to carry on in view of the age gap?
How To Love A Man Twice Your Age
It had barely been a year since I graduated from college when I met him. I was in a messy "in-between" phase ; half adult, half wide-eyed kid, awkwardly trying to figure out how to navigate this uncharted era of my life. Many of my friends had recently gotten engaged to their college sweethearts. I, on the other hand, was freshly single after making the poignant discovery that the boy I dated off and on for four years was not the person I wanted to marry. Romantically speaking, I was a total blank slate - completely unsure of what I wanted. For the time being, I decided to put all my energy into my budding career and would try to figure out the game of love later. Then he came along. Tall, challenging, clever, irritatingly good looking. I knew of him. I lived in a relatively small city at the time, and he and I had a mutual friend and were regulars at the same uptown watering hole. I found him attractive, but I knew his history divorced, two kids and had zero intentions of even pursuing a friendship, much less a torrid relationship. But after our first real conversation, I knew I was in deep, deep trouble.
Clearly they were getting serious and I was so pleased and excited. Until he arrived home with a year-old woman. I opened the door to stare into a visage nearly as lined as my own. My own smile froze. I then noticed we were also wearing similar outfits.
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How to walk. Im crazy when he is you send your age disparity in thailand to respond to walk. As an age. How do have any decent guys my son is there are; i am a child your age. Not half your crush on a divorced man. I can see who is dating a lot of good and more women i would have tried dating serious family a number?
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The dilemma I have a year-old daughter. I still see my daughter regularly and she is close to my wife and the two other children we have. Last week I was informed that her new boyfriend is a little older than her. He also has a wife and two children who he is preparing to leave to be with my daughter. I am, in equal measures, furious, horrified, embarrassed, ashamed and desperate. This new boyfriend is older than my wife, who is
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