Christian dating physical contact
Or at least incomplete. Photo credit: They blessed us to do what we felt was best. However, I was looking for more definitive answers. We could do whatever we wanted. Is it okay to have physical touch with your girlfriend?
Biblical Dating: Principles for Drawing Boundaries
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Christian members please remember to read the Statement of Purpose threads for each forum within Christian Congregations before posting in the forum. Cutting off physical intimacy in dating Discussion in ' Courting Couples ' started by Fivesenses , Oct 6, Oct 6, 1. Hi everyone, I'm in need for some advice.
I've been with my bf for a while now. One of the areas we are struggling in coming to an agreement on is physical intimacy before marriage. So initially, he was determined that there should no physical contact at all but after a few months he thought holding hands and side-hugging were alright because we spent a lot of time building on other areas of life e. Anyways, boundaries had to be shifted and negotiated after communication but recently we both felt convicted that it wasn't right to hug in a certain way that could potentially increase temptation and we have decided to stop doing that.
Our bottom line is that there shouldn't be any kissing or sexual touch. As a result, he believes that we should cut off all types physical contact to remain pure as holding hands can lead to hugging while I believe that it is a matter of the heart and love based on freedom in Christ rather than a set of man made rules - there should be some sort of physical affection such as holding hands or putting arms around the shoulder that doesn't lead to lust or sexual temptation.
We don't hang around each other alone anyway as it's always with family around or in the public. I was telling him about Colossians 2: Do not taste! Do not touch! These rules, which have to do with things that are all destined to perish with use, are based on merely human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.
It's probably worth mentioning that physical touch is my main love language and I feel really hurt and rejected when my loved one abstains from physical affection and I'm scared that I may become defensive or bitter in the future when he does resume physical contact - I may not be able to respond without feeling some sort of inhibition since right now I also feel offended that he just gets to decide rule change without really asking me what I think he knows this but says that I should be able to feel love in other ways and that emotional and spiritual connection are far stronger and more important than the physical aspect.
I understand where he is coming from remaining pure and fleeing from all temptation so better not touch at all and that he feels there has been a bit too much physical affection he is giving to me so he wants to cut back but I don't agree about cutting everything off. Do you guys think I should just submit on this one I tend to go for the more compromise or I'm more concerned about being free in Christ and in harmony than being "right" approach but I'm scared it might indulge his extreme mindset and think it's okay.
Or suddenly going from some physical affection back to none? Last edited: Oct 6, Like x 2 List. We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today? Oct 6, 2. My husband and I are not legalistic in our faith, but I'll share our experience. We abstained from sexual activity before marriage but did hug and kiss. We dated for 16 months and were engaged for 4 months.
While temptation was there, we discussed our boundaries and knew we wouldn't cross them. He was 29 and I was 22 when we started dating 31 and 24 when we got married , and we did spend time alone together because we each had our own place at the time I was in a grad student apartment. We went to church and prayed together. We had faith in each other's ability to resist temptation. For me, it would be a little extreme to prohibit hand-holding.
I don't consider it sexual, just affectionate, reassuring, sweet, etc. I understand you on feeling a little offended. Have you told him that you feel that way? I can see how scaling back on physical affection might feel strange, kind of like taking a step backwards. I truly believe that talking all of this out is really important. Communication is essential to marriage, so it's best to start the habit beforehand.
I'm not sure your views on this, but my husband and I did discuss sexual expectations etc prior to marriage. It's my belief that if you're going to get married, you do so with your eyes wide open and with no taboo topics between you. Like x 1 List. Oct 6, 3. Oct 6, 4. Oct 6, 5. Oct 6, 6. Yes premarital counselling will happen somewhere down the track before or after engagement. I think it is interpretation differences - whilst I see hand holding as a kind gesture of affection, he thinks it can lead to something more sexual.
Whilst I think my female body parts sexual organs are designed by my Almighty God for a great purpose to be enjoyed, proud of and to be embraced , he sees it as a temptation to sin and therefore should never come into contact with a man outside of marriage e. I think as time goes by, I'm feeling more ashamed of my body, sexuality and desires which I have been earnestly trying to communicate to him about.
I'm fighting this battle to not be shamed and yet to remain modest so it's almost like asking for physical affection is immodest because I should ideally be upholding strict physical boundaries to remain pure but then I think we are idolising purity rather than looking forward to uniting our sexual identity after marriage Oct 6, 7. Oct 6, 8. Thank you! Yes I know it's not right to be shamed but it's hard when you are surrounded by messages such as women should dress modestly because of their brothers in Christ attributing lust to women's responsibility rather than being a pleasing sacrifice to God who gave us this body.
I have talked to my family about it and since they know more details they think the whole thing is absurd there are other "rules" which they cannot stand even though they are Christians too They suggest that I take a stand and stop being so nice or docile and actually point out where he has gone wrong but as you know, people don't like being told they are not right and maybe we are both right in our own minds and I usually just bring this to the Lord in prayer and each time the Lord opens my eyes to what I can do to help the situation despite my frustration.
So through much deliberation, I think I will continue to communicate but if he still does not budge, I may need to really put Romans 14 into practice - accommodating for those with different opinion rather than quarrelling and not judging those who abstain in this case, physical touch. Oct 6, 9. You brought up a few interesting things in your post. First, I'm glad you've discussed this with others, because it's always good to have trusted people. Second, I think you're doing well with praying and asking God for guidance - not always an easy task when feeling emotional.
Third, I do think it's a bit troubling that your parents "can't stand" some of your boyfriend's rules. That's something that you shouldn't ignore. I don't mean to be harsh, it's just something to keep in mind. I know I repeated this a few times, but while dating is the time to hash all this stuff out. I'm going to be blunt here: You have the same right to voice your opinion as he does.
The most concerning thing is that you personally feel shamed, and that's not fair. His avoidance of temptation, while a positive thing in itself, has actually yielded a negative result i. His focus has gotten to the point where he is being hurtful to you. In my book, such behavior is not Christ-like. Oct 7, I think he considers all physical contact as tempting in terms of thinking of the wrong things so I have not much choice here.
Re-adjusting the relationship will take a while but I'm not sure whether we can go back to the way we were before at all and I'm more worried about trusting him again It's almost as if he is taking back everything during this time and assume we can still be the same without physical contact. What happens if we are at the stage where we are allowed to hold hands and hug but I'm too inhibited due to lack of trust? Right now I'm feeling I can't trust this person as if it's almost a different man from who I knew only last week but is this just a phase and will go away with time?
I don't know It's confusing, but in time I hope everything is straightened out. I'll pray that God grants you both wisdom and patience and guides you to honor him through your relationship. Oct 13, Oct 14, You must log in or sign up to reply here. Show Ignored Content. Your name or email address: Do you already have an account? No, create an account now.
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FLESH SERIES: Sex, Lust, Porn and The Christian You should also be in a position of knowing what type of physical contact is appropriate and what is not. Physical: It is difficult to provide solid physical boundaries that apply to every dating relationship. Depending on one's culture and one's typical physical contact.
But the majority of abstinence training only teaches half of the abstinence God calls for when it comes to intimate relationships between men and women. Jonathan was a young Christian man raised in a conservative Baptist Church. All growing up and in his teen group he was taught that sex is for marriage.
Struggling in bed, humanist, engagement, but it is who talks to relate with a certain someone alone?
Hardly anyone touches me from one week to the next. And I know from my readers — and from personal experience — that the need for physical affection is a massive issue for many singles. Lack of touch leaves you feeling that no one could want you.
FLESH SERIES: Boundaries in Dating
Care to know where I stand? Want to be challenged? Ready for a perhaps intense discussion? Click To Tweet. Now before diving into my points, I will answer the question that may very well be on your mind already. Yes, Christine my wife and I touched before being pronounced husband and wife.
Christian Dating & Kissing
Next Live Stream: Watch Now: What if my girlfriend or boyfriend sleeps on a separate bed when they sleep over? Is that okay? So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. This is really dangerous territory for a lot of reasons. Rather than putting ourselves in a tempting position, Scripture tells us to flee temptations, not put ourselves in the path of them and then will ourselves not to succumb. And even if nothing physical happens, the struggle with lust will most likely be there. This is definitely not fleeing from sexual immorality or youthful passions, or pursuing righteousness from a pure heart. There is a lot of intimacy and closeness that comes with being vulnerable enough to actually sleep with someone.
On the language for example, i started dating relationship. I am i really felt loved one month we've been more exciting, bunny.
Single Christians who are looking for a lifetime partner have a great opportunity to see how hands-on God can be when it comes to their lives. But while the period of dating and getting to know a person from the opposite sex can be very exciting, enjoyable, and beautiful, it can also be a dangerous time.
Christian Dating and Physical Boundaries
Because ethnicity is part of the good of creation, we seek to honor and celebrate the ethnic identity of those with whom we serve as well as those we seek to reach. This means you should initiate the conversation very early in the relationship. You should also be in a position of knowing what type of physical contact is appropriate and what is not. Launch the MyCru App. In most books on the issue, authors usually turn the question around. This is sound advice and certainly helpful, but we want to suggest an alternative focus. Take a look at the following verses:. As infants, as children and as adults, physical contact is the primary way we show care, protection, affirmation, encouragement and love for each other. Where, after all, would sports be in America without the ubiquitous slap on the rear? This is the love language of athletic coaches. But I better keep writing and make my point before you stop reading and think you just got the green light to pat your girlfriend on the tush.
Is Physical Touch in Courtship Wrong?
Kissing and cuddling while in a Christian dating relationship, Pastor Jim shares his thoughts about physical contact while dating. What are your thoughts? Do you agree? Give this advice piece a read and let us know your thoughts in the comments below! Today I received an email asking whether or not kissing and cuddling are considered a sin. There is nothing sinful about the activity of kissing or cuddling, depending upon the definition one gives to these words.
If all sexual activity outside of marriage is a sin, is it also a sin to kiss outside of marriage? PART 4: Many wanted to know, did I really mean no physical intimacy? What about showing affection? How can you say definitively that other things are wrong? In this day and age, how far is really too far?
Welcome to Christian Forums, a forum to discuss Christianity in a friendly surrounding. Your voice is missing! You will need to register to be able to join in fellowship with Christians all over the world. Discussion in ' Courting Couples ' started by Fivesenses , Oct 6, Christian Forums.
Typically, this standard is offered in relation to physical relationships. Is it okay to hold hands? To kiss? To cuddle while watching a movie? In a culture that is often unhelpful in providing a path to marriage that honors purity, standards like this feel incredibly safe and helpful. Imagine being in a relationship where your boyfriend or girlfriend never got you a gift, not even for Christmas or your birthday.
Biologically, it is called the sense of touch. For those dating, it can be exhilarating—actual, real-live, skin-to-skin contact with someone of the opposite sex. Just ask any red-blooded male or female who has had a close encounter with Miss Good Looking or Mr. The time to make decisions about physical contact is before you get in a touchy situation. But is all this contact good, upright and moral?How Important Is Physical Touch In A Relationship?