Afghanistan dating and marriage customs
This means that family responsibilities tend to hold a greater importance than personal needs. Throughout all of Afghanistan, family matters are kept strictly private. Women may be slightly more likely to open up to other women about their personal life, but usually family matters are kept within the family. Afghan households are generally large and multigenerational.
Thirty-five unbelievable love and marriage customs of the world
Weddings are hugely expensive affairs in Afghanistan, with excessive costs for wedding halls, lavish meals and usually a bride price. It is a contested tradition that is viewed as having no foundation in Islamic law and does not appear in the new draft marriage law. It is also not to be confused with the dowry mahr which should be given to the bride in case her husband dies or divorces her.
Almost all weddings in Afghanistan start with matchmaking. When the families have agreed to the marriage the real negotiations around the wedding and the bride price start and usually take place at the house of the bride-to-be. However, the negotiations about the bride price can be lengthy. The couple are nowadays often consulted about the marriage proposal, but they have a very limited role in the wedding and bride price negotiations and have to accept what their families decide for detailed information on marriage practices in Afghanistan see: The amount is often based on family credentials, education, skills, age, beauty and the reputation of the girl, as well as recent bride prices within the community.
As a consequence, the decision to accept or reject the wedding costs and the bride price becomes a family affair. The price tag for the wedding, especially in Kabul, can easily top 10, USD; a small fortune in a country where the gross domestic product per capita in was Even if the actual wedding costs are less in rural areas, the overall costs are pushed up by the bride price.
Social media provides some examples of current bride prices in different provinces see: Not all communities in Nangarhar have a tradition of asking for a bride price. Loya Paktia Khost, Paktia and Paktika: Kandahar and Helmand: Bride price is known as walwar in Pashto-speaking areas and toyana and sherbaha in Dari-speaking areas. It is an Afghan tradition with no foundation in Islamic law see: Bride price and mahr are not the same: According to Islamic sharia law, women who enter into a marriage contract are entitled to receive mahr and it is intended to provide security for her and her children in case the husband dies or requests a divorce.
According to Hanafi jurisprudence fiqh , a wife is allowed to use the mahr in any way she sees fit as it is her property — this means that she can also return it or share it with her husband or their extended family. This is the financial obligation that a husband has to his bride. Community members interviewed by AAN said that mahr was almost never implemented as Islamic law prescribes, even if people are aware of the law.
In fact, when parents of a bride and groom negotiate wedding arrangements, they often use the word mahr when they are actually talking about the wedding price. The money was paid directly to her brother and after the wedding, when I asked my wife about the mahr , she told me that she did not receive a penny of the , [Pakistani] rupees. Instead, she told me that her brother had used the money to arrange the marriage of his son.
The bride price is a huge burden on grooms and their families, but is also a vital source of income for the families of brides, in particular poorer ones. If a father only has daughters and no sons, he will often rely on the bride price as a source of income, as he cannot rely on the income a son would bring. Getting a high bride price was a major reason given by parents for marrying their girls off young. Other economic factors also counted, including giving girls in lieu of debts and exchanging girls, so that neither family had to pay the bride price.
Article 28 of the law on the Elimination of Violence against Women states that those who force girls to marry under the age of 15 should be imprisoned for at least two years and the same article states that the marriage of an underage girl can be cancelled at the request of the girl. This is particularly true when the economies of entire families depend on underage marriages.
Parents who chose to or are forced to marry off their underage daughters often ignore factors such as the age or any disabilities of the future son-in-law. Daughters might even get married off to men whom their families have never seen before. An AREU study on marriage practice in Afghanistan from cited the example of Aziza, a girl in her mid-teens who was married to a 60 years old man.
Therefore I saw no other way out than to marry the old man who was willing to pay the bride price demanded by my family. As a result of the high prices for weddings, hundreds of young men have been forced to go to Iran, Pakistan, or the Gulf countries to find work, often under precarious conditions, to try to earn enough money to pay for their wedding and the bride price 4.
In summer , just before he was about to return to Afghanistan, he fell from the third floor of a building where he was working. He suffered a broken neck and severe spinal cord injuries and had to spend most of his earned money on medical treatment. Young men who cannot go abroad to earn money try to find the necessary financial resources within Afghanistan. Most borrow money from relatives; others mortgage or sell land.
In many cases, the families of brides are also willing to accept some of the bride price in kind through land titles, houses or cars. In , Yar Muhammad from Mutakhan district in Paktika province transferred his 20 jeribs of farmland to his brother-in-law as payment for the negotiated 1,, Pakistani rupees 17, US dollars bride price. Yar Muhammad was left with only a few jeribs of land to use as a source of livelihood.
In some cases, the pressure to pay high bride prices has caused young men to commit suicide see a report of Mehwar Daily published in December , here. Similarly, depression and other psychological problems, family disputes, suicides and fleeing homes have been reported among those young men and women who were not able to get married because they were unable to meet the demands for the bride price see for example: In some cases, the bride price also results in women not being able to get married.
This is viewed as shameful for the women, as is getting married at an old age. For example, Nasima name changed was 50 years old when she finally married a 60 year old widower in another village of Andar district. Life was so difficult for her that she said she would agree to marry anyone who asedk her, even if he had disabilities or was an old man. The widower, who married Nasima, had a daughter and three sons from his previous wife.
After a few weeks of marriage, life again became bitter for her. Historical examples of government efforts to regulate wedding costs and prohibit bride price. In the Marriage Law, expenditures for the wedding itself were limited, the mahr was fixed at 30 afghanis at the value from that time period and bride price was prohibited. The law was widely criticised by Islamic scholars who considered these reforms as intervening in their domain and curtailing their powers.
The scholars accused King Amanullah Khan of endorsing laws that were contrary to Islamic law. Later legal initiatives, including those from , , and focused on limiting wedding costs, but without explicitly forbidding bride price. A law from states that the bride may not demand a bride price, but she can demand mahr. However, the , , and laws did prohibit bride price. In , communist President Nur Muhammad Taraki issued decree number seven, according to which the bride price for a young girl was set at only afghanis roughly an equivalent of 30, Afs now or about USD.
The decree, however, was unevenly implemented and, was rejected by more conservative parts of society see here and here. Others, however, took advantage of the decree: According to 55 year old Khudai Nur in Andar district of Ghazni, the parents who refused were threatened. These developments, related to decree number 7 and the behaviour of officials and government supporters, played an important role in convincing the population to rise up against the communist regime.
The anti-communists, for example, used the decree as one of their propaganda subjects to encourage the population to stand against the communist government see here. Religious leaders at the time said that the decree was un-Islamic because in Islam there is no specific amount of mahr; although a minimum is given, a maximum is not prescribed. Other examples from that time, however, also showed that communities were not opposed to regulation as long as they were consulted.
For example, according to Mawlawi Muhammad Qasam, the head of a tribal shura in Sar Roza district of Paktika province, an agreement was made by local tribal elders in the post-communist period years ago to set bride price at 10, Afghani. Such local agreements have also been attempted more recently. According to Mawlwi Muhammad Qasam in Sar Roza district of Paktika, the tribal elders made a new decision in that bride price should be around , Pakistani rupees 3, US dollars ; this was considered a reasonable amount for the people of the area.
A similar decision had, as noted above, been taken in this district in the s when the elders decided that the bride price should be around , rupees 1, US dollars. However, by , this agreement was no longer adhered to and bride prices had become as high as 1,, rupees 10, USD , in addition to other wedding expenses, in some parts of the district. The agreement included attempts to limit the number of guests to only 20 and to provide clothes for only up to four women.
The local communities, particularly the youth and the poor, have welcomed this initiative. Elders in the provincial capital, Sharan, as well as in Yusufkhel district of Paktika province decided in January that the exact amount of bride price should be , afghanis 3, US dollars. The tribal elders also suggested limiting the number of wedding guests and reducing expenses. Violators of the rules could be fined by the tribal elders.
These rules have been implemented both in the provincial capital Sharan and in the neighbouring district of Yusufkhil, according to Abdul Hai Sahibzada, head of a reform council in the province. It also points out that the Taleban in Tagab district of Kapisa province set the bride price at 3, US dollars. While these measures appear to have been successful attempts to reduce the bride price, they did not spread to other districts or provinces in the north or east. In Andar district of Ghazni, on 23 August , there was another initiative: Overall, the declaration stressed that both sides were not allowed to incur huge expenses.
Based on the declaration, if anyone violated these rules, there would be a fine of , afghanis about 2, US dollars. At the same time, in the western area of Andar, the local Taleban fighters supported the implementation of the reduced bride price andalso played a role in convincing the tribal elders to set the rules. Positive effects of these local initiatives to regulate wedding costs and bride price were reported to AAN.
For example, Sahibzada, the head of a reform council in south-eastern Paktika, explained that the tribal agreement he had been part of deciding on had resulted in a major rise in the number of weddings in the district from a few to a hundred weddings a year. He said that now there were fewer unmarried young men and women, and fewer young men had to go abroad to earn money in order to get married.
The reduction of the bride price, however, had unintended negative consequences. Based on interviews with local residents in Khost province, the reduction in the bride price to , afghanis about 3, US dollars , in the Lakani area of the provincial capital, resulted in people coming to Lakani from other parts of the province in order to find local girls that they could marry to their sons for a lower bride price.
Although unwilling to abandon the reduced bride price altogether, it was unacceptable to the Lakani people that outsiders were taking advantage of the situation. When the initiative to reduce bride price found its way to Ghazni province, people in Qarabagh district initially welcomed it, and also decided to set a standard lower bride price. However, in Andar district, the idea was challenged first by local mullahs and then by tribal elders.
For example, when people in late and early came together in western Andar district and decided to set the bride price at , afghanis about 5, US dollars , two famous mullahs, one from Alizai village and another from Shado village, resisted. They told the community that the reduction of bride price was a violation of the rights of the woman to be married. Interestingly, one theory was that these mullahs resisted the new rules because they themselves have many daughters and a few sons, which means if the bride price were reduced they would be able to earn less money.
When the first mullah, from Alizai, resisted the new bride price policy the Taleban visited him and thereafter he no longer resisted. However, the Taleban reportedly did not approach the mullah from Shado village. While these attempts clearly indicate that communities are interested in some form of regulation to reduce and possibly even in the long-term abolish the bride price, the implementation, in particular in conservative communities, seems to hamper these efforts.
Wedding costs and especially bride price are deeply rooted customs in Afghan society, and bride price, in particular, has important economic consequences for the families of the bride and the groom. Efforts to regulate bride price through legislation or national policies have tended to remain poorly implemented, or when implemented, contested.
By submitting your contact information, you consent to receive communication from Prezi containing information on Prezi's products. You can. Afghan culture is very collectivistic and people generally put their family's It is customary for women to move in with their husbands' family at marriage. . ' Dating' is almost totally limited to getting to know the person one will most likely marry.
Remember this is only a very basic level introduction to UK culture and the people; it can not account for the diversity within British society and is not meant in any way to stereotype all British people you may meet! Afghanistan Management Guide. Lifting the Veil on Afghan Culture. Afghan Jokes on Cultural Difference. Afghan and German Military go all out on Cultural Sensitivity.
In Middle Eastern countries such as Afghanistan dating is rare since most marriages are arranged by the parents.
Dating Customs Around the World
Afghanistan is a country in the heart of Asia that is usually mistaken to be in the Middle East. There are 34 provinces in Afghanistan. Its population of 34 million is made up of many different ethnic groups who speak different languages and have their own cultural practices. More than 99 percent of the Afghan population is Muslim. The literacy rate among females in Afghanistan is 24 percent. Some of the festivals celebrated in Afghanistan are the two religious holidays called Eid.
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But for thousands of young Afghan girls, and millions more across Asia and Africa, marriage often comes before they are old enough for such dreams -- and ends in nightmare. Torpekay, for example, is an Afghan girl from western Herat Province. Although just 17, she has been married for four years. So heavy, she says, that she tried to escape -- by taking her own life. She survived the attempt, and has been recovering at a local hospital. Using gasoline was the easiest way. She is barely 11 years old. They mainly take place in Asian and African regions where poor families see daughters as a burden and as second-class citizens. The girls are given into the "care" of a husband, and many of them end up abused.
Weddings are hugely expensive affairs in Afghanistan, with excessive costs for wedding halls, lavish meals and usually a bride price. It is a contested tradition that is viewed as having no foundation in Islamic law and does not appear in the new draft marriage law. It is also not to be confused with the dowry mahr which should be given to the bride in case her husband dies or divorces her. Almost all weddings in Afghanistan start with matchmaking.
Context & Culture
Go back to country map. Despite recent efforts to bolster protections, Afghan women and girls continue to suffer widespread discrimination, domestic violence, forced marriage, trafficking, and other forms of violence. For further information and guidance for individuals from the U. Girls and women in Afghanistan have severely limited rights when entering into or attempting to dissolve a marriage. Although statutory law sets out a minimum age for marriage of 18 for males, 16 for females, and 15 with guardian consent, and recent legal reforms, including the National Action Plan for the Women of Afghanistan, included provisions criminalizing forced and underage marriage, these laws are not regularly observed or enforced. Instead, tradition and customary laws tend to frame marriage-related practices, often allowing for marriages without the consent of both parties. It is unlikely that current Afghan laws and judicial remedies could adequately protect a girl or woman who faces a forced marriage. There are few state courts in country, many of which apply traditional or customary law over statutory law, and other cases are referred to tribal tribunals which apply their own rules and customs, leaving many women and girls without recourse in the state legal system. Compared to men, women have very limited options for pursuing dissolution of a marriage, 5 and it is very difficult to obtain a divorce or annulment without consent of the spouse and family. Police and other law enforcement bodies in Afghanistan generally do not provide reliable protection for women and girls fleeing forced marriage situations, and victims reaching out for help may be treated as offenders.
Why have one day when you can have 12? An old Kyrgyz adage foretells that tears on the wedding day bode for a happy marriage — perhaps this explains why some parents of kidnapped girls consent to the forced marriage despite the practice being illegal since If the girl is to escape, and some do, it takes a lot of determination and courage to withstand the pressure brought to bear. This weird and wonderful exhibition in Zagreb , Croatia, features a quirky collection of amorous mementos and random paraphernalia donated by people from across the globe left behind after a break-up. In this somewhat gross pre-wedding tradition, the bride-to-be, and sometimes even her groom, are pelted with all manner of disgusting things from rotten eggs to treacle and fish and are paraded through the streets. The Scots believe this humiliation serves to better prepare a couple for married life.
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Afghanistan - Guide to Language, Culture, Customs and Etiquette
The word "Afghan" historically has been used to designate the members of an ethnic group also called the Pashtuns, but Afghanistan is multicultural and multiethnic. The state was formed by the political expansion of Pashtun tribes in the middle of the eighteenth century but was not unified until the end of the nineteenth century. Persian-speaking Tajiks, Hazaras, and Aymaqs and Turkic-speaking Uzbeks and Turkmens populations have been incorporated in the state. Since the Communist coup of and the ensuing civil war, those groups have sought for greater political recognition, but the existence of the state has not been seriously questioned. The experience of exile shared by millions of refugees may have given rise to a new national feeling. Location and Geography.
Dating and marriage in afghanistan
While some urban women enjoy some rights and even work outside the home, more traditional views still reign strong in the countryside. The Afghan family is a patriarchal entity, as it is in other countries in the region. Although the dress code in the cities is more liberal, a head scarf is a minimum. Western media often paints an excessively negative picture of family structure in Afghanistan. Were one to believe the most negative descriptions, one might think that a majority of Afghan girls get married off before reaching puberty, to men who are many years their senior, and often as a second, third or fourth wife.
Afghanistan dating customs
Having a relationship with someone is important in all cultures, however the process of dating is different according to countries. Thus, culture affects the way people date, suggesting various kinds of dates from heavily supervised meetings to evenings spent at the movies. Dating is seen as both a complex and simple matter, the difference between the Western world and other civilizations making it very intriguing as some dating rituals are extremely liberal, some are less free of constraints, while others are cut down to old fashioned gatherings, or are even illegal. Dating in Australia for example is illustrated by teens going out in large groups without really forming couples until they reach 18 or 19 years of age. Here, it is not the boys who often make the first step of asking girls to go on a date with them, rather the girls take this part and they also take the responsibility of paying for the date. The most common dating places preferred by couples are dinner parties, barbecues, or the beach. Dating in Europe is again, sort of a group event.🇦🇫 Afghanistan: No Country for Women - 101 East